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General Discussion Theres a Clannad of AIR-headed Kanon fodder being shot by the Little Busters After Tomoyo on a Planet-arian.

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  #1  
Old 2006-08-28, 01:22
Omgwtflolzz
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Default Clannad translation

Did this because I had nothing better to do.

Quote:
I hate this town.
Why? Because it's filled with memories I'd rather forget.
Every day I go to school, hang out with friends, then go back to the only home I have, the home I'd rather never return to.
Nothing new ever happens.
Tomoya:(Will anything ever change?)
Tomoya:(Just when will my life change...?)
Greenery.
Walking round mountains to get to school.
It'd be so much easier if I could cut through them.
It probably wouldn't take more than twenty minutes.
Tomoya:(Twenty minutes a day, huh?)
Tomoya:(So, I'd save... how much time in a year?)
I try to calculate as I walk.
Tomoya:(Gah, no idea.)
I see no schoolmates around me.
This is the main street to the school, so the place should be filled with them.
It isn't a holiday.
In other words, this isn't the time most students walk to school.
With no regard to that, I continue walking at my own pace.
............
Another two hundred metres to the school gate.
I stop.
And yawn.
And gaze upwards.
And there's the school gate.
Just whose bright idea was it to stick it up there, anyway?
Between me and the gate is that long, steep slope. Nightmarish.
A sigh,
shorter and softer than one of mine.
I turn.
Next to me is another student, standing at the bottom of the slope just like myself.
The colour of her badge tells me that she's a third-year, too.
I don't recognise her, though.
Her short hair dances in the wind.
Girl:"............."
A face that looks like it might break into tears any moment now.
I'm used to it, but she's probably the serious sort.
It probably isn't that easy for her to enter the classroom at a time like this.
Girl: "Yeah, that's right..."
With her eyes closed, she mutters to herself while nodding.
Girl: "............"
And then she opens her eyes,
and looks up towards the gate.
Girl: "Do you like this school?"
Tomoya: "Eh?"
No, she wasn't talking to me.
She was posing that question to someone seen to none but herself.
What was the answer, I wonder?
Girl: "I like it very, very much."
Girl: "But nothing can remain unchanged."
Girl: "Everything that was fun, everything that made you happy."
Girl: "None of it can remain unchanged."
Her soliloquy continues.
Girl: "Can you still like this school, despite all that?"
............
Girl: "I..."
Tomoya: "Why not just go look for them?"
Girl: "Eh...?"
She turns and gazes at me, surprised,
as if I wasn't here before.
Tomoya: "Look for new things that're fun, new things that'll make you happy."
Tomoya: "Were those the only things you found fun? The only things that made you happy? No, right?"
Girl: "............"
That's right.
Everyone's like that once.
Ignorant and innocent.
Tomoya: "Come on."
Line-by-line, so I guess it's kind of stunted. Also, I can't help but feel that Tomoya sounds funny.

Bah.

May do more, probably won't.
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  #2  
Old 2006-08-28, 06:43
jebbito
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Do more! Do more!
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  #3  
Old 2006-08-28, 08:54
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Samurai Drifter Samurai Drifter is offline
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もとしてください~

Please do more! And post the whole thing at some point, or, even better, go for a full fledged downloadable patch. :D
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  #4  
Old 2006-08-28, 17:18
DragonmasterX DragonmasterX is offline
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Quote:
It isn't a holiday.
In other words, this isn't the time most students walk to school.
With no regard to that, I continue walking at my own pace.
............
Another two hundred metres to the school gate.
I stop.
And yawn.
The dots like those stood out to me. Do the other visual novel translators use that many dots too? I know the Japanese like to use tons of dots, but is that normal in English prose?
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  #5  
Old 2006-08-28, 17:55
omgwtflolz
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Nope.
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  #6  
Old 2006-09-04, 21:17
Ricochett
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You, my good sir, are God.
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  #7  
Old 2006-09-05, 03:25
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Well, it's nice to know that when I tried to stumble through the first few pages of Clannad i wasn't off by that much...

Dots, I thought, were a characteristic of games rather than Japanese prose itself.
And even if so, they communicate something not easily expressible otherwise, so any translation that does away with them should tread carefully in my opinion.
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  #8  
Old 2006-09-05, 14:35
GreatSaintLouis GreatSaintLouis is offline
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The dots indicate a pause, change of scene, or any break in the script flow that would otherwise be difficult to portray verbally. I suppose it depends on the translator, but my opinion is that these should be shortened to standard ellipses, with the one exception being those scene transitions marked by changing amounts of the dots:
... ... ...
... ...
... etc.
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Old 2006-09-05, 15:22
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One of the more creative uses for dots I've come across is in the Shakugan no Shana light novels, I think volume ... 5-6 or so... I'd have to look it up, but in one instance:

Shana is flying while carrying Yuuji, and he manages to upset her, so, without saying a word, she just... drops him. And to mark the event there's a single line that's vertially oriented which looks something like 「--------------.... ... ..」 on the page. Visually, it's quiet amusing.
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  #10  
Old 2006-10-05, 14:30
dgreater1
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Default Nothing really...

Just a product of my boredom ^^; continues to where omgwtflolzz have left

Quote:
April 14
Teacher "¬ŹSunohara"
The teacher is calling for some student name.
Teacher "Not here as usual."
I look beside me and there exist Sunohara's seat.
This guy's percentage of lateness is even higher than mine.
We're the only two being called delinquents of this huge class.
That's why I get along with that person.
And, inside the class, we're the only one who can speak freely. We're that kind of person.
The lesson is starting.
I spend my time looking outside the window.
Ignoring all the words the teacher is saying.
After school... One day of class ends.
That guy Sunohara didn't come at all.
Eventually, the only one I've been able to talk to was the girl I met this morning.
In truth, I'm not changing for better everyday.
I don't even go to clubs... I gripped my empty bag and left the classroom avoiding the chatting students.
Even if I return home, there wouldn't be anyone there.
I don't have a mother to begin with.
She died in a car accident when I was still a child. I couldn't even recall her face.
I wonder if I was shocked when I lost my mother... father who was left behind fell into corruption.
He goes out to drink alcohol and waste his time by gambling.
During my youth, I live and even have some arguments with him.
But an incident happened that end up changing our relationship.
He used violence against me and end up hurting me.
Since that day, my father had locked up his feelings.
He doesn't even call me by my name and instead he calls me Tomoya-kun. That manner of speech made me feel like an outsider.
That... without a doubt, made us look likewe're not related.
Just like a closed shell.
I didn't interact with him before and evennow.
I still forsake him, and I'm glad of that.
If he'll be hurt, he can still be rescue.
Even so, father recognized me when I returned from school, and gladly called me like an old friend and started a chat with me.
My chest suddenly ached then I felt like running away...
I rushed out of the house.
That's why I can't face him, my father continues to sleep really late not returning to his own living,
From sleeping in dawn, and waking up at noon.
Until I entered senior high school, he comes late everyday.
That kind of life has continued for 3 years.
Also today, taking a change of uniform and leaving the house before my old man returns.
That routine was pierced in my body.
Prowling the town at night.
And in the end, arriving at the same place.
After buying a box lunch for my supper in the vending machine...
That in hand, I head to the school dormitoryat the slope.
There are plenty of student taking some special activities in our school in order to go to university.
Those students are away from their parents spending their 3 years here.
They are totally different from me who has no dream at all.
I couldn't care less though, and also in this place... lives Sunohara.
He's a former soccer club member, even the school recommended him to play.
However, he got into a big fight with astudent from another school when he was a first year and got suspended. He was removed from being a regular.
And then, when the freshmen campaign ended, he totally lost his place.
All he can do was quit the club.
He also moved to a different dormitory after that because he doesn't have enough allowance to cover the payment for his lodging. The students of physical education also gathers in this dormitory.
Voice "How many times do I have to say..."
Sunohara "But, that was already in a really low volume."
Sunohara is there.
Please forgive my bad translation... that's the closest translation my mind can get.

Are you human?
No... I'm am General!
Jesus!


Because I am general, I need to log-in :p
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  #11  
Old 2006-10-05, 20:04
Carl Carl is offline
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I've done the whole first day, I just need to hear back from Haeleth on whether he's okay with me posting it.
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Old 2006-10-06, 05:55
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Hehe, at this rate, we're going to have a whole translation of Clannad from random people in random chunks =P.
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  #13  
Old 2006-10-06, 06:17
Carl Carl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Misu
Hehe, at this rate, we're going to have a whole translation of Clannad from random people in random chunks =P.
Awesome.
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  #14  
Old 2006-10-06, 13:07
Omgwtflolzz
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I actually did more of 0414 before getting bored. Figured that I might as well post it all here.

Quote:
I hate this town.
Why? Because it's filled with memories I'd rather forget.
Every day I go to school, hang out with friends, then go back to the only home I have, the home I'd rather never return to.
Nothing new ever happens.
Tomoya:(Will anything ever change?)
Tomoya:(Just when will my life change...?)
Greenery.
Walking round mountains to get to school.
It'd be so much easier if I could cut through them.
It probably wouldn't take more than twenty minutes.
Tomoya:(Twenty minutes a day, huh?)
Tomoya:(So, I'd save... how much time in a year?)
I try to calculate as I walk.
Tomoya:(Gah, no idea.)
I see no schoolmates around me.
This is the main street to the school, so the place should be filled with them.
It isn't a holiday.
In other words, this isn't the time most students walk to school.
With no regard to that, I continue walking at my own pace.
............
Another two hundred metres to the school gate.
I stop.
And yawn.
And gaze upwards.
And there's the school gate.
Just whose bright idea was it to stick it up there, anyway?
Between me and the gate is that long, steep slope. Nightmarish.
A sigh,
shorter and softer than one of mine.
I turn.
Next to me is another student, standing at the bottom of the slope just like myself.
The colour of her badge tells me that she's a third-year, too.
I don't recognise her, though.
Her short hair dances in the wind.
Girl:"............."
A face that looks like it might break into tears any moment now.
I'm used to it, but she's probably the serious sort.
It probably isn't that easy for her to enter the classroom at a time like this.
Girl: "Yeah, that's right..."
With her eyes closed, she mutters to herself while nodding.
Girl: "............"
And then she opens her eyes,
and looks up towards the gate.
Girl: "Do you like this school?"
Tomoya: "Eh?"
No, she wasn't talking to me.
She was posing that question to someone seen to none but herself.
What was the answer, I wonder?
Girl: "I like it very, very much."
Girl: "But nothing can remain unchanged."
Girl: "Everything that was fun, everything that made you happy."
Girl: "None of it can remain unchanged."
Her soliloquy continues.
Girl: "Can you still like this school, despite all that?"
............
Girl: "I..."
Tomoya: "Why not just go look for them?"
Girl: "Eh...?"
She turns and gazes at me, surprised,
as if I wasn't here before.
Tomoya: "Look for new things that're fun, new things that'll make you happy."
Tomoya: "Were those the only things you found fun? The only things that made you happy? No, right?"
Girl: "............"
That's right.
Everyone's like that once.
Ignorant and innocent.
Tomoya: "Come on."

★14th April (Monday)★
Teacher: "Sunohara."
The teacher calls the name of a fellow student.
Teacher: "Not here as usual, huh?"
I look at the seat next to mine. Sunohara's seat.
What can I say? He's late more often than even me.
Together, we're known as the class delinquents.
Maybe that's why we get along pretty well.
He's the only one I can really talk to in the class.
Classes start.
I spend my time looking out of the window,
paying no heed to the endless chatter of the teachers.
The day's lessons are over.
Sunohara never showed up, the arrogant midget bastard.
In the end, the only person I spoke to today was that girl I met this morning.
Yet another pointless day.
I pick up my empty bag and weave through the remaining students, making my way out of the class.
Even if I go home, there's nobody else there at this time.
My mother?
She died in a traffic accident when I was younger. I don't remember what she looked like.
My father fell into degeneration soon after. Maybe it was the shock of losing her.
He spent all his time either drinking or gambling.
My childhood was filled with quarrels with him.
But ever since a certain incident, our relationship changed completely.
He injured me.
Since then, he began to hold back his emotions.
And he began calling me 'Tomoya-kun',
and treating me like a stranger.
As if to shut himself away from me.
As if to cut off the relationship between past and present.
It'd have been better if we'd grown apart.
It'd have been better if he'd just hurt me.
But instead, when I return from school, he acts as if an old friend has dropped by,,, and starts to chat.
I just can't take it.
And so I flee.
And so I came to return home only deep into the night, when he's already asleep
Because I retire near dawn, I awake near noon.
Ever since I entered high school, I've been late almost every day.
This has been going on for three years.
今日も制服だけ着替えて、親父が帰ってくる前に折り返し家を出る。
それが体に染みついた日常だった。
夜の町をうろつく。
最後に行き着く場所はいつも同じだ。
行きがけにある弁当屋で、夕飯となる弁当を買い求めた後...
それを手に、学校の坂下に建つ学生寮へ。
うちの学校は特に部活動に力を入れているため、地方から入学してくる生徒も多い。
そんな生徒たちは親元を離れて、ここで三年間を過ごすことになるのだ。
俺のような学生生活に夢も持たない人間とはまったく違う人種。
関わり合いになることもなかったが、こんな場所にあいつ...春原は住んでいるのだ。
春原は元サッカー部で、この学校にも、スポーツ推薦で入学してきた人間だ。
しかし一年生の時に他校の生徒と大喧嘩をやらかし停学処分を受け、レギュラーから外された。
そして新人戦が終わる頃には、あいつの居場所は部にはなかった。
退部するしかなかったのだ。
その後も別の下宿に移り住む金銭的余裕もなく、この体育会系の学生が集まる学生寮に身を置き続けているのだ。
Voice: "Just how many times do I have to tell you you, eh?"
Sunohara: "But it's already really soft!"
There's Sunohara.
He's in front of another room, talking to a large male student.
NPC A: "The walls are thin! I can still hear it!"
NPC A: "Use headphones or something, wench!"
Sunohara: "Haha, I don't have anything that fancy."
NPC A: "Then don't listen."
Sunohara: "いや、でも、あれ聴かないと、調子出ないんだよね"
Sunohara: "Besides, it's pretty good, ain't it?"
NPC A: "........."
Sunohara: "今度、歌詞とかちゃんと聴いてみてよ、イカしてるから"
NPC A: "イカしてるも何もねぇ..."
NPC A: "こっちは、むかついてんだよぉっっ!"
NPC A: "次聞こえてきたら、叩き出すぞっ!"
バタンッ!
Sunohara: "ひぃっ!"
Sunohara: "........."
閉ざされたドアの前で、うなだれる春原。
Sunohara: "Fucking rugy bastard."
A whisper.
Tomoya: "Hey, he can't hear you if you're that soft."
Tomoya: "YOU GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING RUGBY BASTAAAAAAAAAAAARD!"
その背後に立ち、大きな声で言い直してやる。
Sunohara: "ひぃぃっ!"
春原は俺の頭を抱えると、自分の部屋へと引きずり込む。
廊下では、『今の誰だぁっ!』と怒声が響いていた。
Sunohara: "はぁ...はぁ..."
Sunohara: "僕を殺す気かっ!"
Tomoya: "おまえが言ったんじゃないかよ"
Sunohara: "あのさ、岡崎..."
Sunohara: "ただでさえ、ここのところ、連中との関係が穏やかじゃなくなってるんだからさ..."
Tomoya: "派手に散ろうぜ"
Sunohara: "後、一年残ってるよっ!"
Tomoya: "おまえ、そうやって、ビクビク暮らしてくのな"
Sunohara: "あのね..."
Sunohara: "僕だって、一対一なら引くことはないさ。たとえ、相手がラグビー部だとしてもね"
Sunohara: "けど、周りは全部ラグビー部の部屋..."
Sunohara: "こんな場所で事を起こした日にゃ...分が悪すぎるよ..."
Sunohara: "でも、まぁ、卒業間際になったら、派手にやるのもいいね"
Sunohara: "そん時は、岡崎、僕の背中はおまえに任せるぜっ"
Tomoya: "ラッキー、ザックリいくな"
Sunohara: "くるなよっ! いけよっ!"
Tomoya: "だって、俺、ラグビー部側だぜ?"
Sunohara: "いつからだよっ!"
Tomoya: "いや、そん時だけ"
Sunohara: "はい!? なんでよっ!?"
Sunohara: "共に過ごしてきた僕らの二年間は一体何よっ! ええっ!?"
どぉんっ!
壁が揺れた。
続けざま、『静かにしろぉっ!』と怒鳴り声。
Sunohara: "ひぃっ"
Tomoya: "蹴り返してやろう"
Sunohara: "やめてくれぇっ!"
Tomoya: "おまえ、超ビビリな"
Sunohara: "おまえな...僕の立場に立ってみろよ..."
泣いている...。
Sunohara: "頼むから、ここでは大人しくしててくれ"
Tomoya: "あ、ああ..."
その迫力ある惨めさに気圧されてしまう。
もぐもぐ...
俺は壁と万年コタツに挟まれた狭い空間に腰を落ち着けて、弁当を食べ始めていた。
Tomoya: "悪い、お茶"
Sunohara: "出ねーよっ!"
Tomoya: "だから悪いって、言ってるじゃん"
Sunohara: "頭下げようが、出ねぇよっ"
Sunohara: "おまえ、ここが食堂かなんかと勘違いしてない?"
Tomoya: "おまえの部屋だろ。わかってるよ"
Sunohara: "ああ"
Tomoya: "そして、おまえは、小間使いだ"
Sunohara: "ぜんぜんわかってないっすね"
Tomoya: "頼むよ、買い忘れてきたんだよ"
Sunohara: "自分で行くという発想は、浮かばないのかよ..."
Tomoya: "だって、おまえ、俺に命を助けられてからというもの、俺の役に立ちたくて、仕方がなかったんだろ?"
Sunohara: "そんな裏設定は隠されていませんっ"
Tomoya: "俺が助けた後、おまえ、言ったじゃん"
Tomoya: "春原という男は、あの時死にました..."
Tomoya: "今ここにいるのは、あなたにお仕えする、ただのお茶くみなのです...てさ"
Tomoya: "はい、お茶"
Sunohara: "壮大な嘘つくなっ"
Tomoya: "じゃあ、最後のお茶でいいから"
Sunohara: "最初も最後もねぇよっ"
Tomoya: "いや、感動的だぜ。これ聞いたら、おまえは、絶対入れたくなるな"
Tomoya: "大怪我を負ったおまえは、もう助かりそうもなかった"
Tomoya: "そのおまえに、のどが渇いた俺は、お茶くみを命ずる"
Tomoya: "すると、おまえは最後の力を振り絞り、這いつくばりながらも、お茶を入れにいくんだ"
Tomoya: "そして..."
Tomoya: "岡崎様...お茶でございます..."
Tomoya: "そして、これが...最後の...お茶となります..."
Tomoya: "死に顔は、笑顔なんだ"
Sunohara: "僕、ムチャクチャ本望そうっすね!"
Tomoya: "それが、おまえの望みなんだって"
Tomoya: "そして、俺は泣きながらに、その最後のお茶を飲む"
Tomoya: "な、感動的だろ"
Tomoya: "はい、お茶"
Sunohara: "出ねぇってのっ"
それからは、雑誌を読んで、過ごす。
テレビがなかったから、話をするか、本を読む以外に、時間を潰す方法はなかった。
Sunohara: "ふわ..."
Sunohara: "そろそろ、寝ない?"
すでに日付は変わり、深夜となっていた。
Tomoya: "ああ...そうだな"
俺は春原の部屋に泊まることだけはしなかった。
こんな奴と共に朝を迎えるなんて、想像しただけでも憂鬱になる。
Sunohara: "じゃ、僕、シャワー浴びてくっから"
Tomoya: "ああ"
部屋の隅で山となっている衣類の中から、下着とタオルを引っ張り出すと、春原は部屋を出ていく。
Tomoya: "........."
シャワーから戻ってきた春原を迎える、という状況もできたら避けたい。
今のうちに帰ることにしよう。
雑誌を閉じて、体を起こす。
すると、すぐ正面、一台のラジカセと向き合わせになる。
中にはテープが入ったままになっていた。
再生してみる。
流れてきたのは、一昔前に流行った、歌謡ヒップホップ。
Tomoya:(ダッサ...)
Tomoya:(こんなの聴かねぇだろ...)
■上書きで何か吹き込む
■やめておく

よし、代わりに俺のオリジナルラップを吹き込んでやろう。
テーマは『俺から、親友春原に捧ぐラップ』だ。
あいつの感動にむせぶ姿が目に浮かぶ。
Tomoya:(いくぞ...)
息を大きく吸い込み、録音ボタンを押す。
Tomoya: "...YO! YO! I'm Okazaki! You're!"
テンポよく、言葉を紡ぎ出す。
Tomoya: "You're...!"
が...その先が何も浮かんでこない。
■やめた。アホらし...
■適当に思いついた言葉を発する

Tomoya: "Mongolian chop!"
Tomoya: "I mean, you're Mongolian chop."
Tomoya: "...I don't get it..."
Tomoya: "陸に上がって進化を遂げたウーパールーパー!"
Tomoya: "あれ...? 冗談で言ったのに、なんだかマジでそう思えてきたぞ..."
Tomoya: "........."
Tomoya: "おまえ...ウーパールーパー?"
Tomoya: "Made in China!"
Tomoya: "Produced in large quantities in central Asia!"
Tomoya: "...ugh, that's sickening."
Tomoya: "Cockadoodledoo!"
Tomoya: "Whoa, what the hell am I doing? Ahahahaha."
Tomoya: "アオテナガフクロオオスノハラモドキ!"
Tomoya: "青くて手が長くて袋を持ってて大きい春原のモドキなんだ"
Tomoya: "って、モドキじゃないオリジナルで十分怖ぇよっ!
ってツッコミたくならんか?"
Tomoya: "Chonmage!"
Tomoya: "No, wait, you're not."
Tomoya: "That'd make this song a total lie."
Tomoya: "Sunohara, go get a chonmage."
Tomoya: "..."
Tomoya: "Damn it, I laughed before I could say anything."
Tomoya:(...やめた。アホらし...)
Tomoya: "...やめた。アホらし..."
速攻で挫折する。
どうして、あいつのためにこんなことをしてやらなくちゃいけないんだ。
そもそも、親友なんて呼べるほどの間柄でもないじゃないか。
Tomoya:(とっとと、帰ろう...)
春原が戻ってくる前に、退散を決め込んだ。
かつて、俺をひとり部屋に放置して、何事もなく終わったことはないのだが...
今日のところは許しておいてやるか。
春原が戻ってくる前に、退散を決め込んだ。
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  #15  
Old 2006-10-06, 20:30
dgreater1
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Here comes another one of my bad translation

Quote:
*April 15 (火)*
She's there again.
Tomoya "You're doing it again..."
Tomoya "Why aren't you moving forward?"
Girl "Ah, well..."
Girl "That's because..."
Girl "How do I say it..."
Tomoya "No, it's not like you must tell me."
Tomoya "We're strangers."
Girl "Ah, Yes..."
Tomoya "But you know, you should be serious about going to school."
Girl "You'll be late."
She's pointing at me.
Tomoya "I'm fine..."
Tomoya "I am..."
She turns her eyes away.
To begin with, what am I so serious about... lecturing a stranger.
That's right... That's what she exactly said.
She's a delinquent too.
Tomoya "Do what you like."
I leave her and ascend the hill alone.
It's just that...
She doesn't look like a delinquent so I talk to her.
That's all.
Girl "Ah... Please wait."
A voice... it's the girl from before.
Girl "Well... can I tag along?"
I look back and she's there standing behind me.
Tomoya "Why?"
Girl "Well..."
Girl "Because I'm worried walking alone."
Girl "... ... ..."
She's relying to such a strange man like me.
She's got at least one or two friends, why is it me again...
I narrow my eyes as I gaze up at the hill.
Anyhow, she's already there.
Tomoya "Do what you like."
I said that and started walking again.
Girl "Please wait."
Tomoya "What is it this time?"
While she was looking at me...
Girl "Anpan..."
That's what she said.
Tomoya "... ... ..."
I wonder how should I respond to that.
Tomoya "French bread."
Girl "I don't really know what you mean by that."
Tomoya "That's my line."
Tomoya "Is anpan the only thing you like?"
Girl "No, not really..."
Girl "If you ask, I don't hate it."
Girl "Or rather, I like it."
She's an indirect person. Anything is fine for me.
Tomoya "Let's go."
Girl "Yes."
That reply cheered me up a little bit.
Her words were like a charm.
Tato Tato Tato ...
I continue to hear her footsteps following behind me.
... ... ...
I've managed to translate day 14-17 out of total boredom but I'm not sure if I should post it here though ^^
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